batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
