So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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