the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
