I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
