And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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