i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
