GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Randomize
