Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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