my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
My ass is underappreciated
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
