erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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