Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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