3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
