I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
