I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
