I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
