Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
