there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
