A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
