I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
