R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
