she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
