Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Still dying that you shit outside
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
