So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
