I think i sorta joined a cult last night
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
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