Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
