Porn is love you can see.
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
She needs sedatives and a leash
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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