Kareoke will never be a sober sport
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
What changed your mind?
Being sober
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Randomize
