make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
