I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
this will be a night to untag.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
