Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
We had sex on a dog bed..
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
