So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
