Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
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