You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
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