I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
