and next time when you feel me up, do it right
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
