So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
This is the high leading the old right now
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Randomize
