I never want to see another naked old woman again.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
