chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
