I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
