I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
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