i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
