so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
