Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
