I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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