this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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