omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I think we might need a safe word for this...
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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