Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
