I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
