Rock
Scissors
Fuck
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
