what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
