I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
